Telling partners
Who to tell, how far back to go, and what to do when you have no name and no number — only a date.
This is the part people dread more than the diagnosis. It is worth separating two things that get tangled together: the medical question of who was plausibly exposed, and the social question of how you feel about telling them. The first has an answer. The second is yours.
How far back to go
Each infection has a look-back window — the period before diagnosis or symptom onset during which partners should be told. These are the intervals clinics work from.
| Infection | Look back | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Chlamydia | 6 months | 4 weeks if you had urethral symptoms; otherwise 6 months, or to your last partner if that is longer |
| Gonorrhoea | 3 months | 2 weeks for symptomatic urethral infection; 3 months for everything else |
| LGV | 60 days | An aggressive chlamydia strain — treated separately and urgently |
| Syphilis — primary | 90 days | Plus however long the sore was present |
| Syphilis — secondary | up to 2 years | Stage determines the window; a clinician will confirm which you are in |
| HIV | to last negative test | Everyone since then. If you have never tested, partner services will help work it out |
| Hepatitis B / C | varies | Determined case by case, including non-sexual exposures |
Intervals differ between countries — US guidance often uses 60 days for chlamydia and gonorrhoea where UK guidance uses longer. If the two disagree, the longer window costs a few more awkward messages and catches more infections.
It is not about assigning blame for where you got it. It is that the infection has been travelling in both directions the entire time it has been there, silently. The window is drawn to catch the people who have no reason to suspect anything — which, given how little of this produces symptoms, is most of them.
When you have no name
The common case, and not a moral failing. Options, roughly in order of how much they ask of you:
The app you met on. Most have a message thread that outlives the profile. A message to a deleted account sometimes still lands.
Anonymous notification services. Free tools exist in most countries that send a partner a text or email saying they may have been exposed and should get tested, without naming you. They work by phone number or email address alone. Your clinic will know the one used locally.
Public health partner services. In many places the clinic will do the notification for you, with more reach than you have — they can trace contacts from partial information and they never disclose who named them. Ask. It is a normal request and there is no cost.
The venue. For a sauna, party or event where individual contact is impossible, telling the organiser or venue so they can post a general notice is sometimes the only route available, and it is a legitimate one.
What to actually say
Short works better than careful. Long messages read as guilt and invite a negotiation you do not want to have.
"Hey — I tested positive for [infection] today. We were together around [date], so you should get checked. It's treatable and I'm already sorted. Happy to answer anything, no pressure either way."
Three things that make it land: name the infection, give a date so they know which window applies, and say it is treatable. What you do not need to include is where you think you got it, an apology for existing, or anything that invites a conversation about the state of your relationship. That can come later if either of you wants it.
Some people will react badly. That is genuinely about them, and it does not retroactively make telling them the wrong call.
Questions people actually ask
Am I legally obliged to tell anyone?
It varies by country and by infection, and for HIV specifically some jurisdictions have criminal law in this area. Public health guidance treats notification as strongly encouraged rather than mandatory for most STIs. If the legal question is a real worry for you, ask the clinic — they answer it routinely and without drama.
Do I have to say it was me?
No. Anonymous services exist precisely because the alternative is often no notification at all, and an anonymous alert that gets someone tested is a complete success. Nobody is grading you on courage.
What if I genuinely cannot remember who or when?
Tell the clinic that. They will work with approximations — a venue, a weekend, a rough number. Partial information is normal and they are not going to be surprised by it. It is also the clearest argument for keeping a dated record going forward, because this specific moment is the one where memory fails everybody.
They will know it was me from an anonymous message.
Sometimes, yes — if there was only one recent partner, the maths is not subtle. In that case the choice is really between telling them yourself and having them work it out, and the first tends to go better.
- BASHH — 2012 statement on partner notification (PDF)
- CDC — Sexually Transmitted Infections Treatment Guidelines, 2021 (PDF)
- Anonymous partner-notification services vary by country — your local sexual health service will name the one in use.
This page is general information, not medical advice. National guidance differs and changes over time. Anything specific to your situation is a conversation for a clinician or sexual health service. Candor is a personal record-keeping app; it does not diagnose, treat or prescribe.
Get Candor
The list you cannot reconstruct from memory
Candor keeps dated entries, named or anonymous, so a look-back window is a filter rather than an act of recall.
14 days free, then US$19.99 / year · iOS 26 or later · Ages 18+